Things I learned about myself at SXSW
For what I learned about navigating SXSW, check out my Not So Subtle blog.
I wasn't honest when I told people why I was scared of coming to SXSW. It wasn't the parties - it was the people. I'm terrified of people. It may seem unusual since I'm such an extrovert at Gangplank, but that's my home turf. I'm Gangplank Mom! I can do anything in that space.
Here, I'm a small dot in a mass. People are scary, judgemental...smart. I don't know how to approach people. My tiny friend group should be evidence enough that I'm not a social butterfly.
It wasn't until Saturday that those insecurities really became full blown. My few hours of crisis, followed by a brisk walk around Sixth Street at 11pm, led to a few realizations:
I like structure.
Structure seems to be a dirty word. I haven't given up my cog qualities yet Seth Godin, so I need some instruction. The conference schedule was great, but the parties, the networking meetups, what is the goal? What am I supposed to be doing?
I need to give myself missions in order to work up the guts to talk to people.
Please, I know how to network. I'm not a complete idiot. But it takes an initial something - a glance, an overheard comment - to get the party started. I like middle men. Chris Conrey is fabulous for this. He's got no fear. He's willing to look a little silly to make the intro. If the shoe is on the other foot, I can do the same for friends, but refuse to take that role when I don't have a wingman.
I need real conversation to get to know someone.
Every time I hand out my business card, I feel sleezy. Once I know about your kids, where you're from and probably the last 10 years of my life, then I'm ready to hand you my card. It takes me a long time to trust people, so a quick 15-minute drive-by isn't going to work.
Once I'm comfortable, I'm on a roll.
It just takes one good conversation and I'm Miss Hostess.
I'm scared of being smart.
Being an airhead is so easy. Being smart is scary. I'd rather have a ton of accidental overheards then actually try to be funny. I'm terrified of debates because I can usually see both sides of an issue, not to mention I don't feel well read enough to have the facts (journalism masters program screwed me). Can't I just do silly dances and get by in this world?
I have a fear of being invisible.
Biggest contradiction in my life. I love being behind-the-scenes but am worried I won't be seen. I like being by myself but seem to always be waiting for an invitation.
Standing too close to speakers during a concert can cause heart palpitations.
Think this is pretty self explanatory.
