Rough/Tumble

Things I learned about myself at SXSW

For what I learned about navigating SXSW, check out my Not So Subtle blog.

I wasn't honest when I told people why I was scared of coming to SXSW. It wasn't the parties - it was the people. I'm terrified of people. It may seem unusual since I'm such an extrovert at Gangplank, but that's my home turf. I'm Gangplank Mom! I can do anything in that space.

Here, I'm a small dot in a mass. People are scary, judgemental...smart. I don't know how to approach people. My tiny friend group should be evidence enough that I'm not a social butterfly.

It wasn't until Saturday that those insecurities really became full blown. My few hours of crisis, followed by a brisk walk around Sixth Street at 11pm, led to a few realizations:

I like structure.
Structure seems to be a dirty word. I haven't given up my cog qualities yet Seth Godin, so I need some instruction. The conference schedule was great, but the parties, the networking meetups, what is the goal? What am I supposed to be doing?

I need to give myself missions in order to work up the guts to talk to people.
Please, I know how to network. I'm not a complete idiot. But it takes an initial something - a glance, an overheard comment - to get the party started. I like middle men. Chris Conrey is fabulous for this. He's got no fear. He's willing to look a little silly to make the intro. If the shoe is on the other foot, I can do the same for friends, but refuse to take that role when I don't have a wingman.

I need real conversation to get to know someone.
Every time I hand out my business card, I feel sleezy. Once I know about your kids, where you're from and probably the last 10 years of my life, then I'm ready to hand you my card. It takes me a long time to trust people, so a quick 15-minute drive-by isn't going to work.

Once I'm comfortable, I'm on a roll.
It just takes one good conversation and I'm Miss Hostess.

I'm scared of being smart.
Being an airhead is so easy. Being smart is scary. I'd rather have a ton of accidental overheards then actually try to be funny. I'm terrified of debates because I can usually see both sides of an issue, not to mention I don't feel well read enough to have the facts (journalism masters program screwed me). Can't I just do silly dances and get by in this world?

I have a fear of being invisible.
Biggest contradiction in my life. I love being behind-the-scenes but am worried I won't be seen. I like being by myself but seem to always be waiting for an invitation.

Standing too close to speakers during a concert can cause heart palpitations.
Think this is pretty self explanatory.

Competitive

com·pet·i·tive/kəmˈpetətiv/Adjective

Film directors must love me

My whole life I've had a thing for movies. I wouldn't call it an obsession per se, but something close. I shut down when I watch movies. I was reminded of this fact recently when Tyler tweeted that he had just tried to have a conversation with me while I was watching a film, only to be completely ignored. Of course, I wasn't ignoring him - I honestly didn't even realize he was there.

I get sucked into movies - bad ones, good ones, old ones, new ones. Most all of them.

It wasn't until a recent argument that I had to own up to the real reason for my tunnel vision.

Movies are my way of connecting with the world.

I'm a very literal person. I don't understand sarcasm, can't relate to most emotions, have no idea when I've said something inappropriate if I'm being honest and am incapable of intentional humor.

Movies help me understand all the things I can't seem to grasp in my own head.

Film directors must love me. Isn't that what they set out to do? Capture some element of human interaction, magnify it and show us what our own lives are or could be? To get us to think, to explore, to examine ourselves.

Today Tyler and I went to see Black Swan. I heard so many amazing things, I didn't think I could avoid it.

It was breathtaking, frightening and thought provoking. An hour later, I'm still out of sorts. I actually get transported and it causes me to think. Black Swan made me explore my own obsessions, or lack their of.

I imagine it would drive people crazy if I actually shared what went through my head after a film. "But Katie, it was just a movie."

I need to make more film director friends. 

Recession Widow

When I was a teacher in rural Texas, my grade level principal and her husband were a "commuter couple". She lived near the school with a friend and he lived in Corpus Christi in their home. He was a contractor and the work was there for him, but when things got tough, Rio Grande City was the only place she could find a position. They saw each other once a month and had been doing that for 10 years.

I was reading a magazine article the other day about extreme commuting. Many of the laid-off auto assembly line workers are finding jobs more than 500 miles from their current homes and since they don't know how long the contract will be, they don't want to move their families. These men leave on a Sunday, drive 8+ hours, live in apartments with friends or even other contract workers, and then drive late into the night on Fridays. The wives of these men have even been coined "recession widows".

Though I've had several long-distance relationships, I never was able to relate to my principal when she told me that story. My boyfriends and I never knew each other well enough before I would move off somewhere, so feelings were never very strong and the long-distance most likely prolonged a relationship that otherwise would have been short.

Things change. I've now been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year-and-a-half. We've lived together for the past 7 months, the majority of that in a 700 sq ft studio that meant we were never more than 15 feet from each other. Walls feel strange, but that's nothing compared to the possibility of being separated by hundreds of miles.

But that's exactly what we're up against. Phoenix is run dry with jobs - hell, the entire southwest is a tough job market. What do you do?

Fuss about what?

People get passionate about things. When people put that much emotion behind something, they are taking a risk. When taking a risk, people want to be able to justify that risk. Occasionally that manifests itself in the form of competition, defensiveness, subtle hostility. You only have to look at season ticket holders for any major sport and you'll see exactly what I mean.

Passion is fantastic. I'm glad people have passion. But what we need to remember is that being passionate doesn't require justification, explanation or defense. If you are passionate, BE PASSIONATE. Share with others, spread the word, tell your story, discuss! Get a dialogue going. Best yet, go and do the thing you are passionate about.

The minute we get defensive about our passions, we become preachers. This is why people stay away from religion and politics at parties. It is extremely difficult to not turn into a preacher, attempting to make everyone believe your way is the only way.

I'm not saying stay away from conflict or that a little competition isn't healthy for the soul. Just remember what it is you're truly passionate about and why you give a damn. Focus on that.

Getting Reacquainted

Let me just state, I do use a computer all day - just a borrowed one. Of course Gangplank provides me with a nice big iMac and second screen to be able to do my work on a day-to-day basis, and for the five months, that's been all I've used.

Back in May, I sold my 3-year old Macbook to a co-worker. After college and with a steady job that provided me with a computer, there was no reason to have one. Having just moved in with Tyler and wanting a way to watch TV other than through his iPod, I used my tax return and took the plunge. I hadn't had a desktop computer since high school.

The iMac got plugged into the TV screen. I quickly realized this was not a convenient way to work - keyboard on the coffee table, staring up at a screen without the correct resolution. So, I essentially stopped using my home computer.

Two weeks ago, Tyler and I moved into a new place. With a brand new Apple TV and a den to keep all the business stuff in, I had the option to move my computer to a desk and hook it up to a more reasonable monitor.

Wow.

I had no idea I would have to become reacquainted with something that's been so second nature to me for so long. Even though I use a computer everyday, it's not mine. It doesn't have my personal files, my music, all the things that personalize an experience. I'm having to relearn my file keeping procedure, and how to use a computer for extracurricular activities and research, rather than just work.

Hello old girl. So glad we could have this reunion.

Efficiency

I'm very jealous of Stephanie Leibold of Bold Avenue. I happened to look over her shoulder today while she was working and it seemed like she had all these fabulous systems in place to track her time, her clients, her tasks, etc. 

Most of the time I don't think I get the most out of my various technologies. I've got these fantastic gadgets - a Mac Mini, iMac, iPad and an Android phone - that I know are not being utilized to their full potential.

So I came home tonight determined to make that right. Unfortunately, didn't get very far.

First was trying to get my multiple inbox deal under control. The majority of the 12 email addresses I have are forwarded to a main account. However, with the addition of my Gangplank and Integrum emails that I must have on the screen at all times, that makes efficient use of folders, labeling, etc difficult. So Tyler switched me over to Mail.

My issue with Mail is that the search function does not seem to work quite right. Additionally, I can't figure out how to make group email lists with in Apple Address Book. Makes it difficult to type in all the email addresses I need when Gmail so easily can type in one word to send to a group.

Second, I need a good time management tool at work. I'd like to track how much time I spend on tasks. There are so many online, no idea where to start.

Last, Things. I would love to use Apple Things, but am reluctant to drop $50 on the program. There has to be something else out there.

Two down...

I've been trying to find the words to describe what my work at Gangplank is like. 5 weeks in, they still haven't come to me. What I can say, is something is happening in Chandler, and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. Last night, Gangplank pulled in more than 30 people for an event that was advertised via poster and word-of-mouth. We had people come off the street to practice stand-up, music and share talents we never knew they possessed. Today, 33 people registered for #FatOff10, agreeing to support each other in their quest to become healthier human beings.

Two events down and hundreds to go. It's a great feeling.